The 7 Things I’ll Be Good At This Year

2013 kind of got away from me. With the click of a mouse, I could get a highlight reel from Facebook. But I think it was one big panic after another, cluttered with kid messes and phases and milestones, big events I was never prepared for, all blessedly obscured now by the fog of Mommy Brain. I think we had a baby this year. I know we moved. We put our oldest kid in school, and there were several job changes. It’s actually been a pretty big year. Wild. Constant motion, little discernible progress on a daily basis, unless you stop to ponder it. Which I’m bad about. But here are 7 things I will be good about in 2014:

1. Total organization. My house will be perfect this year. Better Homes and Gardens could stop by my house unannounced, looking for directions back to the truck route, and wind up featuring my cleverly arranged, tastefully decorated, budget-friendly house. They will also marvel at my weekly meal plans, which I will stick to come hell or high water. They will spotlight many of my recipes, which, as an added bonus, my family will also compliment this year. Or at least say thank you for. We will all happily perform our household chores, which I, as the benevolent dictator, shall specify only once, and my subjects will remember. There will be no more wadding up toilet paper and dumping it in the bathtub. I will finally hang all of my wall art and put my keepsakes from my trip to Europe in the scrapbook I’ve been carrying around with me for 13 years. We will schedule and arrive on time to all doctor and dental appointments. There will be no dawdling on the way to school. Garbage shall accumulate only within the acceptable receptacles, recycling will be promptly sorted, and laundry will be deposited in hampers instead of on the nearest floor. Toys will magically return to their assigned shelves. The three day search for the stapler will not be necessary, come tax time. The handy color-coded calendar will have final say on the question “Do we have plans this weekend?”

2. Taking care of myself. After three solid years of being pregnant and/or breastfeeding, this is the year I finally sleep through a night. I also plan at least two showers per week, and pledge to find a haircut that does not require me to make a daily choice between 45 minutes of fussing and styling or covering my head with a handkerchief. I will pluck my eyebrows regularly. I will wash my face every morning and night, and go out in public only in full costume and makeup. I will get in shape. I will make better lifestyle choices. There will be family bike rides, and I will use my Xbox Kinect Zumba game. Meals will be healthy. I shall lounge in the bathtub. I will floss more than once this year. I will find out what this “me time” everyone is raving about is.

3. Infinite patience. I will develop and exercise it when my my 5-year-old’s legs stop working when it’s time to get ready for bed. I will use it when my 2-year-old throws full dinner plates. I shall summon it when my baby crawls into the dishwasher for the 49th time this morning as I try to load knives, after keeping me up all night with either a teething issue or sheer spite. I will be the picture of calm, ever tuned in to the reality that these years won’t last forever and I will miss them when they’re gone. I will celebrate every juice spill with the same face moms in paper towel commercials make. I will delight in clever back-talk. I will value every diaper change. I will intently listen to my son explain the pretend video game he is playing with a spatula and a DVD case, despite owning approximately 3,000 of his own toys, and I will express genuine interest until my brain implodes. I will stop rushing. I will not yell. I will keep my threats of selling my children to the gays to an absolute minimum.

4. Making things special. From managing to decorate for Christmas BEFORE Christmas to putting Pinterest to shame with my crafty kid birthday parties, I will rule all special occasions. I will fish the rotting pumpkins I forgot about three years ago out of the Halloween decoration tote and clean off all the spooky drapings and black light nonsense for easy, less stinky storage until I actually use them this year. My Easter Egg Hunt will be epic. My Saint Patrick’s Day and Cinco de Mayo meals will be authentic this year, my valentines homemade, and I will think up the most infantile pranks to play on my boys for April Fool’s Day. And on a daily basis I will pack amazing lunches. I will serve up spectacular desserts. I shall devise incredible, personal birthday and anniversary presents, and send out thank-you cards for three rounds of baby gifts, a wedding, and my high school graduation.

5. Being social. I will plan playdates. I will see friends. I will throw stunning dinner parties, setting out all my wedding china and glassware, except the one cup and saucer the children have managed to break. I will wave to people I recognize. I will forge deep, lasting relationships with other moms. I will turn casual friends into people I can text mundane daily details and deep, dark secrets to. I will use up my 1200 talk minutes every month staying in contact with members of my wedding party and people I’ve been on stage with. I will become a tireless PTO supporter. I will whisk the children off to every Parks and Rec event and attend every Toddler Time at the library. I will have theme parties. I will have non-theme parties. I will go to other people’s parties and opening night galas. Failing that, I will attend free preview nights.

6. I will be me. I will really grow into myself this year. I shall no longer contain the snarky remarks I wish to make when admonished by Moms of Only Girls for having rowdy boys. I will do the things I like to do, making time for writing and theatre and music and sports. I will tell my husband he has to take the garbage out. I will use more curse words on facebook without caring who might be offended. I will reveal my political leanings. I will plan date nights and read a book that doesn’t rhyme. I will tell my mom off the next time she makes a passive-aggressive jab about my housekeeping. I will totally define myself. I won’t just be “Nick’s wife” or “Donovan’s mom” this year. I will be me, with my own interests and hobbies and shortcomings and missteps, and I will do so unapologetically.

7. I will settle. I will make peace with the fact that the girl with the “Good Enough Is Not Good Enough” poster on her wall was me half a lifetime ago. She had time and energy and direction, awards and activities. But there is no equivalent 4.0 in being a mom day in and out. No one will put her picture in the paper for winning at dinner. So I will recognize that her track star mentality, while good for a medal at state and a school record in the twelfth grade, is no longer applicable. Nor should it be. So I will stop whispering “Good Enough Is Not Good Enough” when I spot crumbs under the cabinets or crayons in the bathroom sink. I will forgive myself when I fail to achieve any level of success with any of these list items, sacrificing standards in favor of clinging to the thin thread of sanity that remains.

What I will actually do this year is fumble instead of organize. I will try, I will fail. I will rinse and repeat. I will long for a working chore chart, but try to be happy with a husband who vacuums for parties and little boys who delight me by occasionally clearing their dishes without being asked. I will want to be better groomed, but I will settle for finding a decent pair of non-mom jeans. I will try my damnedest to be patient, but forgive myself for screaming “Who on God’s Green Earth put lipstick on the cat!?” And “For the last time, laser guns do not belong at the dinner table!” I probably won’t actually get a bath this year, or two showers most weeks. I won’t write nearly as much as I want to. I may or may not get to the theatre.

2014 will be much like any other year will small children, I suspect. It will be wild. It will blur together. It will march on forever in terms of yogurt messes to scrub from the carpet, but fly too quickly when measured by snuggle time and new vocabulary words and toddlers who whisper “goo nigh!” I will long to have cherished it when it has passed. But I will be so tired and grateful to see it end, like most days. And hey, I can always get Facebook to recap it for me next year.